Thoughts at 30.

Reflecting on the past decade.

Ok, so, I’m quickly approaching thirty two, but Thoughts at Thirty has a better ring to it.

I know it's cliché to say ‘where have those bloody years gone! They’ve flown by!’ BUT WOW. Despite the odd grey’s appearing on the sides and a retreating hairline, I’m fit, healthy, and raring to go again.

As I approach thirty two, I’ve found myself reflecting on the past decade. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned from my twenties that I hope can resonate with or even help others.

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

1. Caring about what people thought of me.

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   If you asked most thirty-somethings, they would probably say the same about their twenties. Did I say something dumb last night? Do I look stupid in these trainers? Do polo shirts give me a pea-head? (Something I genuinely believed for years and would ask my best mate every time we went shopping, much to his amusement.)

   Who fucking cares?! My 31-year-old self screams at the 21-year-old me. Truth is, nobody gives a crap, they are focussed on themselves. I look back on old photos, and some of the tops I wore were awful. One V-neck top springs to mind; it was so low-cut you could almost see the outer edge of my nipples. A few mates who called me "sailor boy" or "rent boy" for a few days, but other than that, nothing! If that isn’t proof enough that people don’t care, I don’t know what is.

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2. Worrying about things that didn’t happen.

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   I stressed about presentations at university, meetings with managers at work, dates, meeting old friends—the list goes on. BUT I always did it, and I didn’t die. Things are rarely as bad as you think they will be.

   “It’s never as good as it looks, and its never as bad as it seems.” ― Tom Pollack

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3. Believing in myself.

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   I lacked confidence and often kept my opinions to myself. Over the years, I’ve learned to speak my mind, trust my instincts, and not be swayed by others.

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4. I held onto toxic relationships for too long.

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   I allowed poor behavior from an old friend to continue, giving them too many chances. It's not worth it! If someone disrespects you once, shame on them. If they do it twice, shame on you

   “Tell me who you walk with, and I’ll tell you who you are.” — Esmeralda Santiago

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5. Put too much pressure on becoming ‘wealthy’.

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   You may have read my previous newsletter where I quit my job and halved my salary overnight. I went to work to ‘climb the ladder,’ but I didn’t really want that. No kid says, ‘When I grow up, I want to climb the corporate ladder and be told what to do, where to sit, and what to wear.’ It was all for money because that’s all I knew. Now, I understand my skillset and how to leverage it to make money in ways that excite me.

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6. Trying to fix everyone’s problems.

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   I always wanted to make sure everyone was OK. Being empathetic and caring is great, but I’d focus on others' problems even more when dealing with my own issues. I’d self-medicate by playing the ‘fixer.’

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7. Not starting a business earlier.

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   I’ve always had an entrepreneurial spirit. Fresh out of uni, I had bundles of drive and grit. I wish I had channeled that energy into starting a business earlier.

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8. Stopped playing football.

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   I still see photos of old friends lifting league and cup trophies. The camaraderie from playing a team sport like football is second to none.

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9. Caring about hairloss.

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   Ever since I can remember, I’ve been bothered by my receding hairline. I vividly recall being around fifteen years old, on holiday, terrified of getting my hair wet and revealing my widow’s peak. This fear stuck with me throughout my twenties and damaged my confidence. I still have my hair today! If it’s going to go, it’s going to go! Let it be… or get a Wayne Rooney.

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10. Falling in love too soon.

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    I had a habit of falling in love quickly, often with girls who showed me the most attention. I spent many years in relationships when I could have been meeting different people to understand myself and who I am compatible with. That being said, I enjoyed those relationships, and they have contributed to who I am today.

I could have gone on, but 10 is fitting for the decade. While I have my share of regrets, each lesson learned has undoubtedly contributed to my growth. If there's one thing I hope you take away from my reflections, it's that our twenties are a time for making mistakes, learning, and evolving. Embrace your journey, learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward with confidence and self-awareness.

Let me know in the comments how you feel about your twenties!